Just Short Hops, These

HELLO FOLKS — "That's what I hate about these locals," complained one jet passenger to another. "We've stopped at Chicago, Minneapolis and now Salt Lake City." When a girl starts counting on a guy it only means that his number is up.

—o—

My wife is on real friendly terms with several fairly handsome males. Calls them her boy friends and they seem to feel the same way about her. One big "Stand - up and - bawl - for- mush' even goes so far as to say that he likes to kiss her because her lip stick tastes good.

I am not the jealous kind or I might not stand for it, but I do have a solution. I figure that what is good for the goose is good for One gander. So — I have a few choice gal friends too. Let me tell you about some of them, I won't give their names, for that would be telling.

There is one who is a real beauty. She is graceful as she is shy. Her kisses are divine and she is pretty generous with them.

She has a good friend who I am on good terms with too. She has a perfect figure and loves for me to put my hands around her waist so I can tell her how slim her middle is. Also is proud of her muscles and wants me to feel them.

One other that I must tell you about is a real petite blonde. She has natural curly hair and is a real joy to be around as she always has something to have fun over. She is seldom unhappy and loves to tease.

As you may have guessed by now they are all our children. They all love to tease and are all very lovable.

Kids Enjoyable, Writer Explains

HELLO FOLKS — Well! Well! Doug and Tracy Vandegrift finally got a son after five daughters. Congratulations to them. Wonder if they took the advise Vera and I gave them a while back? Fact is, we gave them several ideas that were supposed to encourage having a male child. I have an idea that Doug's chest is a couple inches larger these days.

I've heard it said, however, "Just get the girls, the boys will follow."

—o—

THE YOUNGSTERS had their Halloween fun. They each had their costumes and went out for Unicef. Brent has a leopard suit, Mark a devil, Adell a dancing girl, Zina a bat, Randy was Fred Flintstone, and Ann was an Indian maid. Brent decided to stay home when his mother put his leopard pajamas over his clothes.

—o—

AS I HAVE said before, there is no greater joy to me than having children around. I think the age of two to five is when I get the biggest charge out of them. They say so many cute things and get things twisted around easily in a way that produces a good belly laugh.

Brent is in that stage, he is three. He has this leopard suit that he calls a tiger suit. It has a hoot to it that covers all but his face. He insisted on wearing it to bed. The first night it got twisted around and he woke up and started crying. All his mother could see was the back of his head and I guess it seemed funny to her.

The other morning he was telling about his dream.

"There was a tiger and two lions fighting, — I was the tiger."

"Who won?" asked his mother.

"Not one — THREE!

"I mean, who won the fight?" explained mother.

"I did."

Yesterday we wanted to go outside. "Get your shoes and I will help you put them on," said mother.

He went out on the porch and was back in a few seconds.

"Here they are. Notwput them on." There he had two squash and was playing a joke on his mother.

—o—

EVEN IF the under-five age is the cutest, the ones over five are not to be outdone. The girls in kindergarten and first have to have their loves everyday. When school started the rush for the bus eliminated that moment, I thought. But when they got home from school Adell came running to me, "Daddy, you forgot something today."

I couldn't remember but she never forgets. So now it is usually in the evening that they show their affection.

Somehow, nothing seems to be too wrong when children think you are tops.

How Big Are Corn Fields?

HELLO FOLKS — There are some big corn fields in Freeborn County. I'll wait a couple of weeks and announce the response from you readers as to the size of some of the corn fields. If you know of a corn field that is a big one send in the number of acres and I'll announce it in the column.

—o—

JULY THIS year was the wettest month I have ever experienced at least as far as I can recall. Here at Edvera Farm we got 11.5 inches of rain during July. It started off with a whopping 4 1/2 inches the first. We had 1/2 inch the 4th, over 2 inches the 7th, a half inch on both the 11th and 14th, one-and-one-half the 19th, one-and-three-tenths the 20th, and then off showers the rest of the month.

This is considerably more than the Albert Lea record of over 7 inches for July.

I have been keeping record of the precipitation at Edvera Farm for several years and for the most part we get less than Albert Lea or Austin. This is quite a switch and evens up somewhat for the 2 or 3 inches less rainfall a year that we have been getting each year.

—o—

CHILDREN CAN give more laughs than any clown on earth.

Our four-year-old, Brent, was supposed to give a talk in Sunday School. He wanted to give his own idea of a talk, but we had had some experience with that in the past, so Vera drilled him closely to be sure he had the talk memorized. I understand that he did very well.

That was considerably different than what happened a few years ago to Randy. Randy is an individualist just like Brent. He insisted on giving his own talk in Sunday School. He was taught one that he was supposed to give but when it came time to give it here is what he said.

"Jesus had a little lamb. He took it down to the river. There was a railroad track running alongside the river. The lamb ran onto the railroad track and the train came along and ran over it."

Net Worth; Gross Habit

HELLO FOLKS! — I've heard that a man's net income is in direct proportion to his gross habit.

—o—

Public Law 480 has sometimes been titled "a give-away program" because only a small percentage of the value of the products sold actually returns to the U. S. in immediate cash. I believe the figure is about 3 per cent.

The amount that is not returned in trade is used up by our foreign embassies for their operation expenses, returned as a loan or just held in suspension.

This is not exactly an ideal situation, but under the circumstances it is the only answer to the problem of marketing our surpluses and the needy countries to get food for their people.

In order for Japan to buy food she has to sell her finished products. We have import restrictions that prohibit her from selling to us the amount of products necessary for her to buy needed food. Trade is necessary for the economic life of us both.

If the american farmer cannot sell his surplus food he is placed at disparity with the rest of the economy. The inevitable result of such a situation is an economic tail spin such as occurred in the early 30's. For if the farmer cannot buy the things he needs the whole economy suffers too.

We are draining our economic wealth paying for the storing commodities that should be in world trade. If we fail to move these and generate new wealth into the economy the inevitable happens. The same is true for other countries with exportable items. The ideal situation would be a gradual lowering of nearly all trade barriers.

True, we would be in open competition with foreign industries, but the wealth generated would more than make up for the original loss sustained.

However until the public becomes aware of these economic facts Public Law 480 is a must and is necessary. It benefits the U. S. and the other countries involved. It is not a give away program. It is an aid program.

—o—

You have all heard about the train that runs through the middle of the house. Well, the author of that song has nothing on us. We have got a boy here that has a mania for trains and bridges. So we generally have a train in the middle of our house.

Randy got a book for Christmas entitled "The Little Red Caboose". He knows it word for word, and for a long time it was his companion at night.

The book is still readable although there is more cost in the glue, Scotch tape and cloth that had been used for repairs than the book cost originally.

Commies Want 100% of Parity

Hello, Folks! We have two little boys at our house. Dana 1 and Randy 2, who are about as different as brothers can be. My wife said Dana is like me, always into something, while Randy is a lone-wolf type of boy. They quite often get into fights and the only time Dana wins is if he can use his teeth as a weapon. Never-the-less he always comes back for more. One night we all went to the Drive-in theater. Randy probably had fresh in his mind the battle of the day. When the hero grabbed the heroine and planted a torrid kiss, Randy exclaimed, "He's a biting".

—o—

The Butcher was weighing up a roast when his customer observed, saying "You're giving me a lot of bone there, aren't you? "Oh, no," answered the butcher "You're paying for it".

—o—

I have had the opinion that the idea of high price supports were slipped from under the "Iron Curtain" however I never had any proof of it. Now I have the Communists own word for it. Before me I have a pamphlet put out by the Communist Party, with their ideas on "The American way to jobs, Peace and Democracy" (as they call it).

The ideas expressed in it are captivating and sound alright, UNLESS you know the catches in them. Among the many views expressed (which by the way are all ideas that would destroy the nation) is a government guarantee of 100 per cent price parity and crop insurance. I am not going to tag anyone a Communist just because he recommends policies identical to the Communist beliefs, (after all they may have some good ideas) but we know that they are setting up nights thinking up good was to destroy all that is good and progressive, and I think we ought to weigh very carefully any program that is as contrary to the American way of life as 100 per cent of parity guaranties.

We all have neighbors, friends, and possibly relatives who believe in the idea of high price supports, they are for the most part sincere in there convictions and certainly have a right to their views. To criticize them and possibly involve personalities and cause hard feelings is the worst thing we can do.

What we should do, however, is to be so well informed in American economics and principles that we can talk it over with them and show them the right way, then if they are open minded we are gained, if we just believe in a flexible program but don't know why then, if I may quote Roger Flemming "Brother you are a part of the problem."

—o—

At the annual meeting of the "Minn. Spring Barrow Show" July 20th, we had a delicious dinner served by Wilson & Co. After the meeting we were invited to play golf or it you want to put it in the vernacular "cow pasture pool." I don't think any farmers stayed for the game. I guess they figure it is tiresome enough chasing cows out of the pasture, let alone a tiny ball.

—o—

Some men thirst after fame and some after money. But I know something all men thirst after. What? Salted peanuts.

—o—

President Eisenhower has signed into law the "Trade Development Act of 1954" This is principally Farm Bureau's baby. It is a big step in the right direction and one that every Farm Bureau member can be proud of. This is just one of the ways that Farm Bureau serves you and makes your $10 dues pay big dividends. There are few places outside your church where $10 will be better spent. We need foreign markets and we need friends. The Trade development Act promotes both. Joining Farm Bureau is one way to help keep America strong and free.

—o—

That P.M. at Virginia City we visited the stores. At the barber shop the barber was sharpening his straight-edge and singing merrily while the patron leaned back in the chair with his cigar between his fingers and harmonized with the barber, thru the lather. All the old perfumes and shaving mugs were lined up neatly.

Upstairs a woman was looking out the window, clad in a negligee. The hardware store was well stocked with all sorts of mining equipment and looks common for that day. The shelves in the Dry-goods store were lined with long-flannels and piece goods that made you almost forget that you were living in the 20th Century. The Stage coaches were on the street and we all had a "ride" in them. The livery stable where the Vigilantes met to plot there strategy to catch the outlaws was also fascinating. Club foot George Harris was one of the Outlaws gang that invariably follow the boom towns and live as parasites off the populace.

It seems that the outlaws got so powerful they were terrorizing the town of Virginia City, consequently a Vigilante group was organized and plans were formed to capture the desperadoes. The outlaws had informers as did the Vigilantes, so it was a life and death struggle. Finally the ringleaders were caught and hanged to death. They were buried on boot hill along with all other vagrants. Wooden markers were placed over their graves with the engravings burned into the wood.

A few years ago when the town was restored the grave of Club foot George was dug up to ascertain the fact that the markers were correct. As a result George's Club foot was carved off and preserved in a huge glass jar of alcohol. It is now at the museum.

The most interesting of the stores was the drug store. It is full of old time articles to stimulate the imagination. We had an old fashioned drink of mint julip. In the basement of the drug store was many more interesting things. In one corner of the basement was a closed door. On the door was a sign saying that in the closet was a skeleton of a man. Of course we had a look. It seems that one of the outlaws was a Negro, he was captured separately and hanged. The druggist was also somewhat of a doctor, he needed an anatomy to study on so he received permission to use this convict.

The story goes into the gruesome detail of how he boiled the meet off the bones and rebuilt the skeleton. At the lower end of the town we found a log cabin that also has weathered the years. Vera and I decided that when if ever we retire we are going to stake a claim to it. Thus ended a long and enjoyable day at Virginia City. When we got back to the Valley it was still 90 degrees.

Oh yea! Meet an honorary member of the Virginia City Vigilantes Organization, and I do mean yours truly. I have a cirtificate to prove it.

—o—

Captains for the 1955 membership campaign have been selected. They are Fred Miller for Freeborn, Carlston, Hartland and Manchester townships. Webster Lair for Mansfield, Alden, Nunda and Pickerel Lake townships. Marlin Brandvig for Freeman, Albert Lea, Bath and Bandroft townships. John Nordby for Geneva, Riceland, Newry and Moscow townships. William Lyle for London, Shellrock, Oakland and Hayward townships.

Census Bureau Must Know

HELLO FOLKS — It's time to take the farm census and the enumerators are out doing their job. There are a lot of questions that might seem of no value to anyone but I suppose they do make sense to the Census Bureau.

—o—

BEFORE HALLOWEEN is too far past, let's think a bit about it. It's the one time in the year when blackmail is legal for the junior league. It is still punishable by prison terms for the rest of us.

It is a good thing for the young ones to get out and "unbend" but I question the advisability of encouraging them to tricks or treat in the manner which it is done. I know of one man who leaves town for Halloween. The hords of children who come knocking and threaten tricks or treats gets him plenty upset. It isn't that he is not generous enough; he is as kindly a man as I know but he is getting up in years and it is more than he can stand.

Wouldn't it be a lot better if we taught the children to 'trick and treat' in a different manner? For instance parents could teach them little tricks, songs, jokes or stunts. They could go around from house to house showing off their talents, entertaining instead of being pests, giving instead of receiving. Surely that would be more uplifting and character building. We did it this year as a church group and it was a heap of fun. What say we give it a try on a community basis next year?

—o—

I THINK this Halloween was the most fun I have had at home. The children each got themselves a suit. They needed some nighties anyway so Vera made them each a different one. Mark got a leopard suit. Adell a bunny suit. Zina a Chinese suit and Dana a skeleton.

Randy made a costume out of cardboard — he called it Randy the Robot. Ann was a Devil and Jared a tramp. Karen was a cloak and dagger spy and Vera a Gypsy.

What gave me the most laughs was Adell. I hid my face when I saw the cotton Vera had sewed on for the bunny tail. That was signal enough for Adell, who has been teasing me a lot lately. Every time she got a chance she would wave that tail in front of me just to get a 'raise'. She is really proud of it and I guess she has a right to be; it isn't ever one who can go to bed at night with a 'cotton tail'.

California Corn Hurts Mid-West

Hello Folks: If a man offends you, buy each of his children a drum. A Chinese proverb.

—o—

This is the final test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible use to him.

—o—

We have a couple of new creatures at our house. I had never heard of them before. One is a "Skeekmuk". It lives upstairs and as far as we can determine, this skeekmuk is somewhere between the size of a cat and a dog. Whether it has fur, hair or feathers, we don't know. Nobody has seen it but Randy, he sees it quite often, and it is under the bed when he sleeps. It has been around about a month apparently.

The other creature is an "earb". This one also we only know from what Randy tells us. It lives downstairs in the bedroom. When we eat, it slips into the living room for a romp. From all indications, is is about the size of a rat or mouse, as least it can be stepped on. The other day it followed him upstairs. It leaves no tracks, requires no food, and can be seen only by some one with as good an imag[i]nation as Randy (and no one has one that good!)

We get a lot of kick out of these two creatures, plus Randy. All we have to do is mention the "earb" or "skeekmuk", and we are in for another session of stories.

—o—

Speaking of imagination, have you ever gone traveling with your imagination? It is lots of fun. You can sail on oceans, visit tropical isles, swoop down on crowded cities on your imaginary carpet, do a lot of things you always hoped you could do someday. All this, without ever leaving a cozy home — and no travel fatigue at all.

—o—

There is a lot of talk about a "soil - bank" plan. Here is my viewpoint on it for what it is worth to the readers. I think the only real worth of "soil fertility bank" is in connection with acreage controls. If a farmer is at the position where he feels he wants price supports on his crops, then the extra acres should be placed in suspension until they are needed. This should be done by the farmer himself and not at the expense of the taxpayers.

In the past when acreage allotments were in effect on a commodity, the extra acres were just diverted into another crop. Such a condition is not fair to the farmers who wish to take their own chances with the law of supply and demand. Suppose the farmers in Freeborn county rent a lot of land to the Government, and that land put in suspension as it would be under a "soil bank" plan, that would mean less production, which in turn means less industry.

California and other western states have learned that there is money in raising corn and feeding cattle — so while we are crying for high supports and storing our corn in bins, California is doubling her production of corn each year. On top of that she is competing with us for western range cattle to feed out and out-bidding us a lot of the time.

We are actually holding an umbrella over the west all at our own expense.

The fair price for corn has dropped a lot the past few years because we are learning to produce it cheaper. Nobody knows what actual parity is on corn, but it is not over $1.50 — probably closer to $1.25, this due to more efficient production, by the use of better machinery, fertilizer and tillage.

Just as surely as some of us are afraid to get in to the economic area and fight our own battles, there are others who will and they are the ones who win.

Another Easy Week

HELLO FOLKS – Last week I got by letting Karen write. So, this week I will let Randy say something he has been trumpeting around here for few weeks.

I might explain that Karen is home.  She has been away for two years except for a week last year.  Karen is going to school at Weber College at Ogden, Utah.  We are glad that she could be home for Christmas.  She didn’t make it last year and it shook her up pretty badly, Karen is one of my favorite daughters.  I have six favorites.  We are very proud of her.  I hope we can be as proud of all our daughters.

Randy is 11, He is the 6^th grade.  Spends every spare minute in the encyclopedia or other books, studying every subject possible.

Randy is also a dreamer.  As you will soon guess.  Here is what he wrote.

SANTA IS OLD FASHIONED

BY RANDY PETERSEN

Santa Claus is getting very old fashioned for this day and age.  He uses old fashioned ways of delivering presents.  Instead of driving a sleigh and reindeer he should be riding in a rocket powered by atomic fuel.

Instead of coming down the chimney into the fireplace (which most homes don’t have any more) he should put presents into a machine that would break down the elements of the gift into radio waves.  When the radio waves reach the receiver, which would be the tree itself, the radio waves would be received at the top of the tree.  As the radio wave goes down the spine of the tree the elements would build up into their proper form, go out the bottom branches and drop under the tree.

Santa’s habits and ways of making presents are old fashioned too.  Instead of having the tiny brick factory with elves in it.  The factory should be big and modern, made out of glass and steel.  And machines should make the presents, instead of elves.

Instead of smoking a pipe he should be smoking a filter cigarette.  Instead of wearing a heavy fur lined coat he should be wearing an insulated nylon-rayon coat.  His beard should be shaved, and he should look attractive and handsome and young.

Santa should have his home on Mars or some other planet and be living in a space needle like the one at the Seattle World’s Fair.  And instead of keeping his records of children in books, he should put them on microfilm.

So-long, Old Time Santa

Transcribed by Vera Smith

A Lost Boy Has Fun

By Edwin B. Petersen

HELLO FOLKS! — Election time coming up next week. Be sure and vote.

Remember that the constitutional amendments are as important to vote on as are the candidates. Study the issues well, regarding them. My recommendation is to vote yes on both of them. Not voting on them is the same as voting no.

—

I HAVE DECIDED to tell you about an incident that happened to us last summer while we were on a vacation trip to northern Minnesota. The reason I hesitated to tell you sooner is because you will probably this we are terribly slothful parents; but here goes anyway.

We took a trip to Superior-Duluth and the Iron Range the second week in July and took six of the children along. These included Randy, 12, Zina, 9, Adell, 8, Mark, 7, Brent, 6, and Linnea, 3.

We had a wonderful time visiting with Uncle Pete and Aunt Georgia at superior, seeing the Duluth harbor, climbing boulders in Lake Superior, wading in the pools below Gooseberry Falls along North Shore Drive, seeing the taconite plants and the Messabi Iron Range in Bemidji, and bathing at the head waters of the Mississippi River in Itaska Park.

It was while at Paul's park in Bemidji that the incident took place.

Lost Brent

We had just arrived at the park and decided to take a ride on the Bemidji Belle, (a river boat) on Lake Bemidji. Armed with 8 tickets, we boarded the boat.

When we had been out about 10 or 15 minutes Vera asked me where Brent was. I just then remembered that I hadn't seen him on the boat. Our first thoughts were, of course, that he might have fallen off. We quickly dismissed that idea because it didn't seem possible with the high fence around the edge of the boat.

The next thought was if he had slipped when boarding the boat. That too was ruled out as I had personally helped each one aboard.

Knowing Brent and his independent ways, we decided he had struck off on his own when we entered the park and hadn't seen us board the boat. We felt better with that conclusion and didn't worry to the point that it spoiled our outing.

When we got back to shore an hour later we set about finding the boy. I sent Randy to the car to see if he was there and the others checked around the park. All came back with a negative report.

As we stood there wondering where to look next we spied a small boy darting across the street about two blocks away. From the way he acted I was sure it was Brent and detailed Randy to go after him; post haste.

Instead of what we supposed would be a worried and disappointed boy we found one with the air of the car who has 'swallowed the canary'.

He had apparently had a great time seeing the sights. When he had run out of things to see and do in the park he had visited shops around town. At times he had rushed back to the car to check if it was still there and if we were worried about him; then he would visit some more sights.

The story gradually unfolded. When he missed us he decided that we had either gone on the boat or the sea plane. Instead of griping or moping about it he took advantage of it. He had gone the rounds and told the concession men about his plight, and they, out of pity, would offer him rides.

MAP
Map of the areas visited on the trip to Northern Minnesota
HERE


DICTIONARY
posthaste |ˈpōstˈhāst|

adverb

with great speed or immediacy: she would go posthaste to England.

HISTORY
The constitutional amendment Grandpa is speaking about 
Making a poll tax unconstitutional - Click here for more info.

A Glance At Our Living Standard

BY:  Edwin B. Petersen

Hello, Folks!  Each one our children is a lot different.  Jared seems to be as normal in all respects as a boy can be.  Ann is what one might call a “clothes horse”.  She loves clothes; from anything as scanty as a “Bikini” to long flowing skirts that she has to hold in her hand, with cowboy and tramp clothes thrown in to boot.  Last summer she found an old red, wide-brimmed hat and for the next few weeks it was a regular fixture on her head.  She likes them nice and clean unless cleanliness interferes with her having a good time, then anything goes.  She has a very torrid kiss that she likes to floor her Daddy with.  Her favorite hobbies are dancing and taking care of the baby.

Randy is a “hot house plant” who loves to play by himself.  If it even looks cold outside he stays in.  He is a handsome little fellow with sparkling brown eyes and happy smile.

Dana is strictly an outdoor boy, with a determination the likes of which I have never seen.  When he wants something nothing else matters.  He is able to take a lot of weather and pain, although not yet two.  He will stay outside in zero weather for hours and it does seem to bother him.  He loves livestock.  A neighbor boy rode into the yard last summer and Dana insisted he had to have a ride.  It wasn’t until the horse gave itself a terrific shake that he was ready to get off.

All in all I am very glad they are each different; it makes the occupation of rearing a family more interesting.

—

People who say they sleep like a baby usually haven’t got one.

—

As two little boys were leaving the theatre, one was heard to remark to the other:  “I shut my eyes during the kissing scene and made believe he was choking her.”

—

The women’s Committee of the Minnesota Farm Bureau is sponsoring a cake baking contest this year – a plain butter cake.  Here are the rules:

1. Contest is open to all rural women.
2. Cake must be a plain butter cake using whole egg, butter and whole milk.
3. Size – it shall be a loaf cake, usually 8X12X2.
4. No icing will be allowed prior to judging.
5. Contestants may use any type flour.
6. Recipe must accompany cake.
7. Winners of Unit contests to compete in the county butter cake contest.
8. County Winner will represent their county at the District Contest – cake to be baked at the site of the contest.
9. District winners will bake cake in the State contest to be held at the Minnesota Sate Fair.
10. Highly desirable awards will be provided at each contest

—

The old negro lady was giving her recipe for a long life.  “When I walks, I walks slow; when I sits, I sits loose; and when I worries, I sleeps.”

—

The American consumer today gets more food per dollar spent than ever in history.  This is also true of other commodities.  This is due directly or indirectly to America’s free capitalistic system.  The following will give you an idea of how fortunate we are under the free-enterprise system:

                     U.S.   Russia   Great Britain   France

World Pop........... 7 ....... 9 ......... 2 ......... 2

World Prod.......... 32 ...... 18 ½ ...... 9.5 ....... 4 ½

Land................ 6 ....... 14 ........ 2 ......... 3

Electricity......... 46 ...... 5 ......... 6 ......... 2

People per car...... 4 ....... 252 ....... 22 ........ 18

You will notice that Great Britain has nearly as much production per person as the U.S. which is more than twice as much as either France or Russia.  The interesting thing is that a tremendous amount of the U.S. production goes into our standard of living while a big portion of Great Britain’s goes in bare necessities and Russia’s seems to dissipate without benefiting anyone.  Notice the staggering difference in electricity and autos.  Are you thankful you live in America?

—

Every rural Minnesota boy and girl between the ages of 10 and 21 is eligible to become a 4-H club member.