Just Short Hops, These

HELLO FOLKS — "That's what I hate about these locals," complained one jet passenger to another. "We've stopped at Chicago, Minneapolis and now Salt Lake City." When a girl starts counting on a guy it only means that his number is up.

—o—

My wife is on real friendly terms with several fairly handsome males. Calls them her boy friends and they seem to feel the same way about her. One big "Stand - up and - bawl - for- mush' even goes so far as to say that he likes to kiss her because her lip stick tastes good.

I am not the jealous kind or I might not stand for it, but I do have a solution. I figure that what is good for the goose is good for One gander. So — I have a few choice gal friends too. Let me tell you about some of them, I won't give their names, for that would be telling.

There is one who is a real beauty. She is graceful as she is shy. Her kisses are divine and she is pretty generous with them.

She has a good friend who I am on good terms with too. She has a perfect figure and loves for me to put my hands around her waist so I can tell her how slim her middle is. Also is proud of her muscles and wants me to feel them.

One other that I must tell you about is a real petite blonde. She has natural curly hair and is a real joy to be around as she always has something to have fun over. She is seldom unhappy and loves to tease.

As you may have guessed by now they are all our children. They all love to tease and are all very lovable.

Kids Enjoyable, Writer Explains

HELLO FOLKS — Well! Well! Doug and Tracy Vandegrift finally got a son after five daughters. Congratulations to them. Wonder if they took the advise Vera and I gave them a while back? Fact is, we gave them several ideas that were supposed to encourage having a male child. I have an idea that Doug's chest is a couple inches larger these days.

I've heard it said, however, "Just get the girls, the boys will follow."

—o—

THE YOUNGSTERS had their Halloween fun. They each had their costumes and went out for Unicef. Brent has a leopard suit, Mark a devil, Adell a dancing girl, Zina a bat, Randy was Fred Flintstone, and Ann was an Indian maid. Brent decided to stay home when his mother put his leopard pajamas over his clothes.

—o—

AS I HAVE said before, there is no greater joy to me than having children around. I think the age of two to five is when I get the biggest charge out of them. They say so many cute things and get things twisted around easily in a way that produces a good belly laugh.

Brent is in that stage, he is three. He has this leopard suit that he calls a tiger suit. It has a hoot to it that covers all but his face. He insisted on wearing it to bed. The first night it got twisted around and he woke up and started crying. All his mother could see was the back of his head and I guess it seemed funny to her.

The other morning he was telling about his dream.

"There was a tiger and two lions fighting, — I was the tiger."

"Who won?" asked his mother.

"Not one — THREE!

"I mean, who won the fight?" explained mother.

"I did."

Yesterday we wanted to go outside. "Get your shoes and I will help you put them on," said mother.

He went out on the porch and was back in a few seconds.

"Here they are. Notwput them on." There he had two squash and was playing a joke on his mother.

—o—

EVEN IF the under-five age is the cutest, the ones over five are not to be outdone. The girls in kindergarten and first have to have their loves everyday. When school started the rush for the bus eliminated that moment, I thought. But when they got home from school Adell came running to me, "Daddy, you forgot something today."

I couldn't remember but she never forgets. So now it is usually in the evening that they show their affection.

Somehow, nothing seems to be too wrong when children think you are tops.

Census Bureau Must Know

HELLO FOLKS — It's time to take the farm census and the enumerators are out doing their job. There are a lot of questions that might seem of no value to anyone but I suppose they do make sense to the Census Bureau.

—o—

BEFORE HALLOWEEN is too far past, let's think a bit about it. It's the one time in the year when blackmail is legal for the junior league. It is still punishable by prison terms for the rest of us.

It is a good thing for the young ones to get out and "unbend" but I question the advisability of encouraging them to tricks or treat in the manner which it is done. I know of one man who leaves town for Halloween. The hords of children who come knocking and threaten tricks or treats gets him plenty upset. It isn't that he is not generous enough; he is as kindly a man as I know but he is getting up in years and it is more than he can stand.

Wouldn't it be a lot better if we taught the children to 'trick and treat' in a different manner? For instance parents could teach them little tricks, songs, jokes or stunts. They could go around from house to house showing off their talents, entertaining instead of being pests, giving instead of receiving. Surely that would be more uplifting and character building. We did it this year as a church group and it was a heap of fun. What say we give it a try on a community basis next year?

—o—

I THINK this Halloween was the most fun I have had at home. The children each got themselves a suit. They needed some nighties anyway so Vera made them each a different one. Mark got a leopard suit. Adell a bunny suit. Zina a Chinese suit and Dana a skeleton.

Randy made a costume out of cardboard — he called it Randy the Robot. Ann was a Devil and Jared a tramp. Karen was a cloak and dagger spy and Vera a Gypsy.

What gave me the most laughs was Adell. I hid my face when I saw the cotton Vera had sewed on for the bunny tail. That was signal enough for Adell, who has been teasing me a lot lately. Every time she got a chance she would wave that tail in front of me just to get a 'raise'. She is really proud of it and I guess she has a right to be; it isn't ever one who can go to bed at night with a 'cotton tail'.

Can't Take It In Big Doses

HELLO FOLKS — Flattery is like perfume — It is all right to take a whiff of it but don't swallow it.

We cannot march in a Parade and sit in the grandstand at the same time.

Happiness is one of the better things of life which usually comes as a by-product of activities directed toward other ends.

—o—

FROM THE remarks that could be heard around this place, sometimes you would think that I received very little affection. It is not necessarily so, though. I think I get my share of it, but it seems there has to be a certain amount of 'beating around the bush' before it comes out into the open.

As you perhaps all know, children love attention and they have strange ways of getting it. Take Ann for instance. She found out one of the most subtle ways to get it was to curl up in my big easy chair about the time she thinks I want it. I have found out the best way to get her out of it is to tickle her. That way we both get what we want.

The younger girls realized very soon that it works and so Adell tried it. She is small enough that I could squeeze in beside her. Soon there was a 'fight' going on. Finally she said "Daddy, if you don't stop it pretty soon you'll get out of here."

Zina is more direct in her approach. After I had been gone for over a day she came to me and reaching out her arms she said, "Daddy, I sure been missing you." Another time she said to Mother, "I have two boy friends. Mark here is one of them." When she didn't elaborate further Mother asked, "and who is the other." "Oh! He is out at the barn somewhere." — Meaning me.

Our two little fellows have to have their time of affection too. Most of which comes after breakfast. I like to rest a bit after a hearty breakfast; so I stretch out in my big chair again and tune to the "Garroway" show—that is if I have time. That is the signal for the boys to tune in. Brent is coy but Mark comes right up and gives a big hug in exchange for some tickling; about five minutes of it and that are off for the days adventure.

I got taken at April Fools this year, again. I was milking and had the radio tuned in. The announcer mentioned that it was April Fools day, so I knew that I had to be careful. About that time the phone rang and Jared said, "Mother's back is bad and she can't get out of bed." It caught me completely off guard. I hurried to the house. She was in bed allright, but — she was dressed and had gotten breakfast. The whole family got a charge out of that. They wouldn't have dared to pull such a stunt if it had been any other day of the year.

That night we had pancakes for supper. I got suspicious because we generally have them April Fools Day and I invariably find something in my pancake that shouldn't be there; like a string, piece of cloth, or some such thing. This time there was nary a thing wrong with them.