Just Short Hops, These

HELLO FOLKS — "That's what I hate about these locals," complained one jet passenger to another. "We've stopped at Chicago, Minneapolis and now Salt Lake City." When a girl starts counting on a guy it only means that his number is up.

—o—

My wife is on real friendly terms with several fairly handsome males. Calls them her boy friends and they seem to feel the same way about her. One big "Stand - up and - bawl - for- mush' even goes so far as to say that he likes to kiss her because her lip stick tastes good.

I am not the jealous kind or I might not stand for it, but I do have a solution. I figure that what is good for the goose is good for One gander. So — I have a few choice gal friends too. Let me tell you about some of them, I won't give their names, for that would be telling.

There is one who is a real beauty. She is graceful as she is shy. Her kisses are divine and she is pretty generous with them.

She has a good friend who I am on good terms with too. She has a perfect figure and loves for me to put my hands around her waist so I can tell her how slim her middle is. Also is proud of her muscles and wants me to feel them.

One other that I must tell you about is a real petite blonde. She has natural curly hair and is a real joy to be around as she always has something to have fun over. She is seldom unhappy and loves to tease.

As you may have guessed by now they are all our children. They all love to tease and are all very lovable.

Jared Proves A Big Tease

HELLO FOLKS! — Linnea celebrated her sixth birthday today. A comical incident occurred that made us all laugh. The children had special suits made for Halloween a couple of years ago such as ghosts, leopards, devils, bunnies, etc.

It seems that only the leopard and bunny suits still exist. Linnea claims that leopard suit and Merilee uses the bunny suit for pajamas.

Last night they each had on their favorite costumes. Big brother Jared, who is never slow to tease, bit the tail of the leopard.

Before Linnea would go to bed her mother had to wrap the tail with bandage because it hurt. The bandage was still on this morning when she came to breakfast. It was sort of an honor badge, I guess.

—o—

A MAN'S REAL MEASURE 
By W. C. BRAUN

The place to take the real measure of a man is not in the darkest place or in the church singing hymns, or at his desk, nor in he cornfield, but by his own fireside. There he lays aside his mask and you may learn he is an imp or an angel, cur of king, hero or humbug, I care not what the world says of him: whether it crowns him boss or pelts him with bad eggs.

I care not a copper what is reputation on religion may be; if his children dread his homecoming and his better half swallows her heart everything she has to ask him for a $5 bill, he is a fraud of the first water, even though he prays night and morning until he shakes the eternal hills.

But if his children rush to the front door to meet him and love's sunshine, illuminates the face of his wife everytime she hears his footfall, you can take it for granted that he is O.K. for his home is a Heaven — and the humbug never gets that .... white throne. He may be a rank atheist and red flag anarchist, roller and a mugwump; he may deal 'em from the bottom of the deck and drink beer until he can't tell a silver dollar from a circular saw, and still be an infinitely better man the the cowardly little humbug who is all sauvity in society but makes his home a hell; who vents upon the hopeless heads of his wife and children an ill nature he would inflict on his fellow men, but dares not.

I can forgive much in that fellow mortal who would rather call anger to the eyes of a kind than fear to the face of a child.

City Praised For Celebration

HELLO FOLKS — The city of Albert Lea is certainly to be congratulated for the fine July 4th celebration. The parade, the boat show and the fire-works were commendable.

The children especially enjoyed the fire-works. Linnea, who is nearly two, was frightened at first but tried to be brave and smiled. A bit later while she was sitting on my lap her mother looked at her and she had her hands over her eyes. She had been very quiet and I thought she was watching it. I think she was probably seeing some of it through her fingers; but she didn't like all the noise and flashes.

—o—

THE BIG game hunter, exhibiting some trophies to friends, pointed with pride to a picture of a prone elephant.

"See that elephant? One night I shot him in my pajamas!"

"Mercy," cooed the sweet starry-eyed, dumb young thing. "How in the world could he get in them?"

—o—

I THINK I mentioned a while back that it costs the average business man $2 to write a business letter. It doesn't seem possible that it could be that much until you break it down.

Catch On Quickly

HELLO FOLKS! — It is strange but true that some men will drink most anything put before them, but check very carefully the oil put in their car.

Little Linnea is almost three. She hurt her foot and it seemed to be very painful. She couldn't walk on it, so the older children had to carry her about. This worked swell until she forgot which foot was supposed to be hurting and started favoring the wrong one.

—o—

THIS COLUMN is going to be a gripe session. Gripe No. one is this: As we traveled through other states this summer we were aware of the great number of picnic areas some states provide. Wyoming is especially good that way. You never need to worry about finding a picnic area. There is one every few miles. With all the beautiful spots we have in Minnesota and with all the money we spend to draw business and goodwill, why not develop a lot more wayside areas where the weary travelers can stop off and rest.

Gripe 2—Near Adrian in western Minnesota there is a spring. It has been there for many years and we never fail to stop there to refresh. About 500 feet from the spring there is a small sign announcing the fact. A driver traveling near the maximum speed has to either squeal his tires or turn around in order to get a drink. Why doesn't the highway department put up a sign a mile away so the travelers will know what to expect?

Gripe 3—The railroad has been leveling off some high spots between the rails and highway 16. A lot of brush has grown up that was catching snow and causing the rails to drift more than they should. The brush and stumps were pushed into the low spots and left to rot. I am sure it was not done with the intent of improving the appearance of the right of way, or to landscape it, for in a few years the brush will be back there as bad as ever. The area cannot be kept neat as it is, what with stumps and all.

I have reason to believe that there are able - bodied persons getting money dolled to them. If the railroads will not landscape and beautify, why not put the unemployed to work? It there are no unemployed men I am sure there are many high school youths willing to work and anxious to earn an honest 'buck',

Gripe 4— I understand that welfare and enforcement agencies are generally in need of homes to place disturbed and needy children. If my informations is correct there is a rule in effect also that no family who has five children can adopt a child. Surely if a family can raise five of their own properly there should be welcomed if they wish to open their homes to others.

Camping at Edvera Farm

HELLO FOLKS! —The Camping bug bit hard at Edvera Farm this year. It started early with the Scouts camp out at Helmer Myre State Park. Then a trip to Spring Valley for the day. Later, Vera took most of the youngsters to White Water State Park for an overnight and nearly two day stay. Last Saturday the Scouts got home from a week at Camp Luck, Wis.

In between that there has been a lot of sleeping out at the farm. The "kids" put a tarp over the picnic table and took turns sleeping there. We have had so many other youngsters visiting us this summer that it was hard to keep track of whether mine were all home and who was here. Of course when ever one of the kids had company they had to sleep out.

Tent In Constant Use

We also acquired a tent this summer and it has been in almost constant use.

A couple of weeks ago Linnea and Merilee, 6 and 4 respectively had a night in the new tent. They came in the next morning completely thrilled. "Daddy! You've just got to sleep in the tent with us tonight — Please Daddy".

It so happened that the next night I had to be gone until late. I wasn't too thrilled about sleeping out. For some unexplained reason, it doesn't thrill me like it did 30 years ago. However for the sake of family solidarity I agreed to spend one night out there.

I got home about 10 o'clock and when the girls saw the car headlights turn in they came out of tent, and made sure I didn't head for my own bed. I still like to sleep in my own bed but it wasn't too bad on the ground with an air mattress between me and "Mother nature."

Poker Face

Merilee, the little "Poker face" is always trying to pull some kind of a joke. Last Saturday she strode into the house and over to me where I was lying on the couch. She held out her hand, "My name is Johnson, I'm President Johnson."

I went along with the joke. "President Johnson, can it really be, I never thought I would see the day when I would have the President of the United States in my own home. Well President Johnson I am certainly thrilled to meet you. What brings you here?"

"I have something for you, some money; a hundred dollars". "Now I know you really are President Johnson," said I.

—o—

Speaking of Merilee, we have a little joke about her. She seems to have her wits about her pretty good. We say that when the Lord passed out the various gifts, He asked who wanted brains. Merilee thought He said rains and said, "I'll take a monsoon".